Another auction today. Not nearly as much collectible stuff (a couple estates and some consignments), but since the Interstate was closed to the east, not a lot of out-of-town buyers. (Had more than 40 semis parked in the empty lot at the west exit when we headed out. They were still there when we got home five hours later, and the Patrol was using the right-hand lane of the east bound lanes as a semi parking lot. Semi trailers bumper to bumper for at least four miles.)

The spotter who also runs an antique store was working today, so he snarfed up most of what would have bargains for others (like us).

Grandfather caller of the auctioneers wasn't there today. One of the spotters (the son-in-law) got dirty looks when he tried to sit in Grandpa's chair. Caller began by asking everyone who paid by check to "please, please" have money in the bank to cover it. Apparently some folks at the turqoise-and-white chaps auction did not.

Did I mention this guy still calls it "Mastercharge" instead of "Mastercard"? Does that date him? (And me, since I know why he does that?)

He also mentioned someone grabbed the wrong box of bolts after the big equipment auction, bolts that needed to go with the rototiller that was sold. "If you got 'em, please bring them back. They need them to make it work."

Got to see two grown, oversized men try to demonstrate how hula hoops are supposed to work. Guess you had to be there...

Early on had a pair of what I can only describe as ceramic traffic cones, or if you turned them over, extremely tall and skinny flower pots (which is what I think they were, since a perfect stand came up later). But nobody in the room knew what they were, or was at least willing to let the rest of us know. Auctioneer did conclude that whatever they were, they were "the best two we have today."

After a woman bid on some garden tools and lost, the auctioneer turned to her and her husband and said,"He doesn't want to work that hard. Why did you try to buy that?"

Most interesting old items? An old tube of shuttlecocks, the original kind with real bird feathers. A scythe. A round grinding stone, and a tube of the original magnetic Pickup-Stix.

A portable stereo record player came up with the introduction "You can't buy these anymore." After it finally sold for a whopping $2.⁵⁰, the remark was "Now we know why. Nobody wants 'em."

When #73 finally won an item, the auctioneer sneered "You didn't make it to Fort Collins today, did ya?" When #79 won, it was "I knew you couldn't stay away. Just knew it." Like a dealer to his junkies (like us).

Ever hear of the parlor game "Hip-Flop"? Looked like a 1960s version of Twister. When the auctioneer reported to the record keeper, his Mom, that they got $2.⁵⁰ for it, her eyes went up in surprise. Couldn't believe they got real money for it. Most laughed, and the buyer got sheepish.

'Course, if he sells it for $40 on eBay, he'll have the last laugh.

The mother-daughter team behind us was apparently outfitting the daughter's apartment, and bought lots of practical household stuff. But only when the bids were low. At least twice the mother offered $1 when the auctioneer was asking for $2.⁵⁰ , and he immediately yelled "Sold!" And she knew she'd been had. On another item, the auctioneer forgot about normal calling and just stepped forward to take bids between just her and another bidder, going up in $1 increments.

Then he slipped in a $2.⁵⁰ increase when it was her turn, and she nodded out of reflex.

"Ha! Sold!" was his shout of victory, and we moved on.

A box of eight yearbooks from the local high school from the late 1960s and early 1970s came up, and we took a short pause as the auctioneer, the spotters and a few buyers came up to look at old pictures of themselves.

Really.

An elderly woman came in late, and waved hello to a spotter she knew. He called it as a bid. (Fortunately she was soon outbid... she didn't even know what was on the block.)

While rummaging through the paraphernalia on the table, one spotter asked "Have we ever sold teeth before?" Holding two up for all to see. "These have gold fillings." Don't remember what that batch went for. Don't wanta know. Don't wanta know if it's legal, either.

Auctioneer was getting testy as the hours went by, presumably because he didn't have his Dad to give him any relief. Snapped at his son-in-law spotter when he leaned in to point out an English tea cup set swiveled. When another spotter was chided for calling a bathroom scale a "piece of wood", he came back with "at least I knew it didn't swivel."

When a woman up front stopped bidding, the auctioneer bent down and waved his hand in front of her face. "Hellooo, it's your turn!" When her husband was slow with a bid, he encouraged the competition across the room to bid again because "he's weakening."

Auctioneer's grandson was wandering around, and crying because he wasn't allowed up front. Grandpa took him up on his knee for several sales, and he settled just fine. For a while.

A Hooked on Phonics set went for $40. Lot cheaper than the tv ads. When an antique massager came up, which looked like a padded brick with handles, I remarked that it wouldn't "fit" anywhere you would want it. Wife's response? "You could sit on it."

Really.

When the daughter took over keeping records, and asked that a sale price be repeated, her Dad, the auctioneer, snarled at her about how she was supposed to be trying to work. One of the spotters announced the new game of "Family Feud." And of course, with her keeping records and her husband spotting, there was nobody to keep the grandson out of the way.

When the ski boots came up, the remark was made that "some of you made need these to get home." Since the highways were still closed when we left, that remark may not have been so humorous to some.

One of the plastic chickens that crows when its motion sensor is triggered went for $7. Made the auctioneer sick, 'cause he paid $20 for the one at the store entrance. The crew gave the buyer the batteries, which they had taken out yesterday to shut the thing up.

The bored grandson had finally settled down when he discovered a beautiful antique, cast-metal tractor to play with. Then it came time to sell that. It was real pathetic, watching the little guy politely trying to reach up and retrieve it from the tall spotter, who held it high for sale. Naturally the price went high. At the end, the auctioneer asked for the buyer's number, who he had not been watching. His daughter at the table behind him snapped back "#59!" Her number. She bought it for her son.

The son-in-law applauded, as did we.

That little boy spent the rest of the auction quietly playing with his new toy. An expensive antique.

Cool. I like her a lot more, now.

So, how did we do? My big purchase was a huge glass ashtray. From the United States Senate. Personalized. Wife bought several trays of brass and glassware, always trying to get just one or two items. Whenever they had a pile of stuff they couldn't sell on the block, they just kept adding items to it until they added something someone wanted. Wife got stuck buying piles of junk twice.

Anybody want a couple of those hand-painted ceramic carolers they do in all the craft clubs?

She did get a bag of birds for $15, with two of them being jade (Chinese, unfortunately). The spotter who runs an antiques store whispered "good buy there" as he delivered them.

Ran bids up high on one art item. It was an old 1940s color picture of Aspen Alley, taken by the father of the auctioneer, that had been painted over by a one-armed artist whose work is well known in this town. Wife wanted to buy it to donate to the museum at the historical site. I was surprised at how generous she wanted to be, but she finally quit when it reached $50. So I bid one more time for her.

We still lost it. But it went immediately back to the auctioneer's office, so I suspect they bought it themselves to get it back into the family.

Wife bought a tray of knick-knacks to get one piece of Chinese brass. The hand of the woman next to her followed the tray in as it was delivered, asking the wife if she would part with a small crucifix for a dollar. Before I could look at it, the wife agreed.

Pretty sure the Christ figure was silver, and the halo gold.

Damn.

Concluding note:

As I was loading the goods into the Explorer in snow in the parking lot (wife took the warm job of ferrying them to the door), overheard one man ask another how he was doing.

"The wife's gonna kill me when she sees this." was the response.