I'm fairly certain this is a topic none of you ever expected to find in this journal.

The wife's period started today.

This is pertinent, and worth mentioning, because it was late.

Four weeks late.

And you see, there was that night in the Lake Hotel in Yellowstone...

And the possibility of one of those late-in-life, 'oops' pregnancies was quite real. 'Course she's also getting to that stage in female lives where it isn't uncommon to just skip a cycle or two.

But some friends of ours, slightly older than us, and with a son in youngest son's grade, just had a new baby daughter this spring. An unexpected, but welcomed surprise. So it was certainly on our mind. And one of my wardens recently had twins, also fairly late in life. So there would have been a clique of late-life parents in town.

And the possibility of a child conceived in Yellowstone? Incredibly cool. I suggested names like "Jackson" or "Aurum", but got shot down.

"But maybe as a middle name..."

All sorts of difficulties also came to mind. Working another 22 years to get another child through college. Basically the end of any thoughts of retirement. The possibilities and probabilities of genetic problems with a pregnancy so late in life. How to send youngest son to college at the same time as dealing with a newborn babe. Without having to resort to daycare.

Mind you, we didn't really ever discuss this together. Just brief snatches of talk at opportune moments, like when hunting benchmarks, just to let each other know we're thinking the same things. But, as the wife said, we would simply do what we had to.

And yes, we thought about the little T-rex we have, that still needs an owner.

And we discussed the need for an EPT pregnancy test, and the wife's embarrassment at buying one so late in life, from people who know her. I mean, she probably knows all the pharmacists and half the checkers in town.

So, we didn't. We just waited, and pondered. And, despite the difficulties it would cause, we hoped.

Until today, when the spotting started.

So the wife garnered the courage to buy an EPT (and lucked out, as the regulars she knows at the pharmacy were out), and came home to pee.

Yes, kind of a moot point at this stage, but if this was the onset of another miscarriage, rather than a regular cycle, there are medical things that would need to be checked out. And the possibility of a D&C.

The test showed only one line.

She wasn't pregnant.

There is no one to mourn.

So, why do we still feel a loss?