We got in just as the auctioneer was finishing up his introduction, rules and advisories. Would've probably been on time, but I'd been hanging on the internet until the last possible moment.

Not much of a crowd, which wasn't a surprise, as we were able to park on the street just across the alley from the shop. Crowded days, and you're walking a block or so. Would hate to live in one of the houses close by.

He was just finishing up the warnings about watching your own stuff. How they can't, as they're busy watching the auction. Their last auction, in Central City, someone swiped a 400 lb chuck off a lathe, worth about $3500. Pretty neat trick, walking out with a 400-lb piece of metal.

Anyway, they can't watch merchandise scattered in the room.

"Now, if you need help whippin' the guy stealing your stuff, we can help you with that."

These folks have been known to stop everything in an auction to say "Hi," to someone they know.

Today it was me. Wife was off getting our coffee and donuts, and the auctioneer caught sight of me in the fourth row, stopped mid-sentence to say "Mornin', Grouse," and then went on.

Felt good, actually. Not sure why. But does that mean they're happy to see us, since we've skipped a couple auctions?

Or just that they haven't had anybody spend good money on junk for the past couple auctions?

They were certainly in a good mood today. Maybe the rain. Grandpa picked up a carved fish off the nearest table, and asked what kind it was.

"Rainbow. Now if you would move your can, we could get started."

First items on the block were four enamelware mugs and a beer stein. For $12. And you could tell the auctioneer was in a hurry.

Tray of small dishes came up, and auctioneer asked his Dad "What do they call those?"

"Ramekins!" was shouted up from several women in the audience, including the wife.

Early on, one of the spotters had to ask grandpa to back up a bid. "She was waving."

And went over to the woman and swatted the offending hand.

A box of Christmas decorations was promoted as having the holiday "just around the corner." To the derisive laughs, the auctioneer responded "Just wait until tomorrow morning, and you'll see how close it is." [It's cooling off fast now... wife went around shutting off fans and closing windows before going to bed. Guess we should look at the forecast once in a while.]

After loads of small bids, a ceramic pitcher went for $95, to the spotter who also sells antiques. Knew it was of interest when he got out his glasses to look at the bottom (And yes, he honestly tells everyone else what he finds there. This one said "JPL." Mean anything to anyone?)

You could tell the woman whose estate this was had plenty of opportunity to entertain kids, presumably grandkids and great-grands. Lots of toys, barely used, some still in original packaging, most in baskets, bags or boxes. Things you'd never see until a child was in the house, and then all of a sudden toys would pop out all over the place.

Must'a been a good grandmother.

Antique cowboys and Indians set came up, hand painted. Went to #11, one of the professional dealers. The circus set up next looked even older, with hand painted animals with a perfect wooden (not fake) white corral fence to go with it. One spotter couldn't believe the same antiques dealer didn't even bid.

When the hamster cage set came up, Grandpa commented "Don't know if we can trust a lady who sits in front close eating pickles."

He described a box of vinyl records scornfully as "long-haired" music. Which long-hairs was it? Folks like Elvis, Pat Boone.

You know, the hard stuff.

They couldn't sell a box of kitchenwares that included a juicer, an iceless wine cooler (didn't know there was such a thing), and a donut maker. Finally grandpa turned to a woman up front and pleaded "Come on, Pickles!"

She got it all for a buck.

They sold a carousel bird feeder. First they ever had, according to Grandpa. Shoulda bought it. It was infinitely better than the one we got stuck with later.

Auctioneer was quick to point out that a Captain's chair was not oak. He and a spotter were eventually able to agree, however, that it was wood.

An old rubber, inflatable raft came up. With a dinky little hand plunger for inflating it. Openly humorous to many who have become spoiled by self inflating equipment, and electric fan pumps. Auctioneer put his hand over his heart and claimed to be hurt by the laughter.

Then the bids started jumping up. Grandpa remarked "First they laugh at ya', then they try to buy it."

"Yeah," his son responded. "God bless 'em."

About this time the wife got into her own personal giggle-fit. Seems the little ceramic birds, which had vent holes, as we know all ceramic wares must have to properly kiln, had theirs directly below their tails. Itty-bitty little holes. She tried to say the word, and ended up giggling for at least another item.

Maybe two.

She also noticed the sounds of sparrows feeding their young. Never saw any birds flying in through the open door, so I assume they have their own access into the building.

A nice cabinet came up. One of the spotters had great fun going in a loop around his half the room between three bidders. Taking them one at a time, several times around, until it got up to $70. Auctioneer got to do the same thing, with something else at much lower bids, a while later. Like demanding bidders ante up for poker, rather than throw out bids. "It is easier this way," was his comment.

After another dispute about the type of wood in an item (a de-humidifier, I believe), Grandpa complained "In 33 years, we've never agreed what type of wood we're selling."

"'Cause he doesn't know a damn thing!" was his son's answer to the crowd.

Grandpa called a halt to the auction on a box of mixed items to address a married couple. "Now, do you two want to bid against each other? 'Cause, if you do, let us know."

I kept my hands down after that.

One of the spotters, who has a deserved reputation for occassionally destroying items in the process of getting them from the block to the buyer, accidently collapsed the metal shooting bench four times trying to get it to the block.

Loudly.

Four times.

Looks on the auctioneer's face were priceless, but all he said was that the man was "in form, today."

Next up was a box of videos including quite a few sets. As his father announced it sold, the auctioneer swung it off the block, dumping the videos of one entire set onto the floor. The miscreant spotter backed away with hands in the air, announcing it wasn't him.

"It was you Keystone Cops."

Then Grandpa asked the auctioneer for his number.

Only then did he become aware he had just bought a box of videos.

Always learn stuff at these auctions. Learned McCullough chain saws are manufactured by a company created by a man named McCullough. Not earth-shattering news, I know, but I didn't know he also created Havasu City. To run his chain saw factory.

Really.

The Disney videos were sold choice.

So the auctioneer could get the one he wanted to complete his daughter's collection. He coulda saved himself a bunch of money, since the buyer who bid so high against him also only wanted one video. A different one.

It was about this time I noticed how sore my rear end was getting. Pointing out to the wife that I just spent four of the last five days sitting for eight hours on hard chairs in a room much like this. And here I am, on my day off...

While examining a box of wares, a spotter came up with a curved piece of wood, which Grandpa explained was a "wooden fishhook." To the look of disbelief, he asked "Would I lie to you?"

"Let's not go there," was the only response.

One throw pillow was stuck in its bag (this lady kept everything immaculate), and the auctioneer's arm went flying wide with the pillow when the bag finally released its grip.

He could not understand the laughter, until it was explained to him that the pillow had smacked the clumsy spotter in the face as he came rushing to help.

Kept his distance after that, too.

Prices were generally low. Should have bought more stuff. Eight Cabbage Patch dolls, in good shape with a Little Orphan Annie doll, went for $10.

Auctioneer tried to start a set of Currier & Ives dinnerware, for 18, at $500. Didn't get his first bid until $25. And it sold for $65.

Some of the highest bids were for jewelry, contributed with other donated items, wherein all the proceeds on those items went towards the care of a local cancer patient.

Ten Fiesta Ware mugs, six perfect, four chipped, went for $7.50. The plates and bowls went even cheaper. Two hundred-year old blocks (sans ropes) and a holeless coal hopper went for $10.

Auctioneer remarked that a box of bedding looked like they took it straight off her bed and into the box.

Great. Just what I want. A dead woman's bedding. Not knowing when or how she died, that could be a little unnerving.

Woman in front of us tried to give the tray for a toaster oven that she found in her box to the buyers with the toaster oven.

Nope, theirs had it's tray. A little toaster oven came up much later, and she checked before it was sold. Tray matched. So she contributed it to the box where it belonged.

An original painting of Chief Joseph was described as a "Naz Piece" Indian, rather than Nez Perce.

A BB-gun pistol was described as being the perfect solution for the cats and dogs that have been pooping in your yard.

Took the son and spotters at least three attempts to explain to Grandpa that the equipment on the block was a "de-humidifier," not a humidifier. Perfectly understandable mistake, though. As the wife said, who would need to de-humidify our air?

'Bout then we could hear the rain drumming on the metal roof. A heavy downpour that lasted long enough to get the door closed. Totally missed the irony about the de-humidifier until now.

A khaki bag was sold separately. Inside was a military helicopter pilot's helmet, the knee-mounted notepad, and flight manual. The small flight suit was sold earlier. Military gear is hot on eBay, and this went cheap. If I had to guess, I would guess Korean War era.

One box of housewares was discovered to have an unopened box of Kleenex. But it was described as "high dollar Kleenex, the best in the house."

Wife was excited to see an antique coffee grinder identical to the one she has from her grandmother, but it went for only $20.

A candy bowl was described as "solid silver...plastic" once the auctioneer got it in his hands.

Tempted by several old globes. Especially the lighted one in a wooden floor stand. Went for only $2, but where would we put it?

A set of really ugly Haviland Limoges plates came up. Obvious wall-hangers, since the plate bottoms were bumped and cratered like the moon. "Be hell getting jello out of there," was Grandpa's comment.

"No idea what these are," the auctioneer declared. Heck, unlike the ramekins, even I knew what those were. Apparently a technological development that arose after his daughter was grown. And several women, including the wife, let him know.

They were bedrails.

Now, we had not scouted this auction. Bunch of stuff we got was useless (like the boxed coffee maker had no glass pot), but wife got excited each time Corningware came up. (She dropped and broke one of our square baking pots a few weeks back). And in amongst a bunch of the blue sunflower pattern (that my Mom has) was a square baking pot with our mixed fruit pattern.

She bid often and high, with me prodding and nodding along the way, but finally quit at $25. Letting the man across the aisle get the collection for $27.50.

Wife promptly sidles across the aisle and asked if he would sell the one piece that mismatched the rest of the set.

"You want the lid, too?

Well, yeah, but she didn't need the lid. That survived the fall in our kitchen.

Deal done.

You see, all he was bidding on was the square lid. To replace his broken one.

Gave the wife the bottom square pot. For free.

Just sorry they didn't talk earlier. Could have saved him a whole bunch of money for his square lid.

So, we got a bunch of junk again because they kept throwing on other items to sell with the one we wanted. So when they got to the old board games (in excellent condition, as usual for this estate), we were not surprised when they broke the two dozen plus game boxes into a couple piles.

Except for one Scrabble Game. That they sold separate.

Winning bidder?

The auctioneer himself.

Chided him about it as we were in line to pay at auction's end, but he defended that he was buying for an absentee bidder.

But I notice he didn't stick her with a mess of other games, like the other winners.

So, our take today?

A useless coffee maker, which came with two useless tea pitchers and a dirty old bird feeder.

Five, yes five, suitcases. Only wanted the aluminum one (to keep the snack food in the truck in, believe it or not), but the other four came along for the ride. One filled with some really neat, old folding clothes hangers. One quite small, but dilapidated. And one, an old, old Samsonite in near perfect, wonderful condition inside. Better than the ones we use. All for $3.

A Tokaido set of rice bowls and sushi plates. Wife bought on a whim for eldest son, since he is into that culture, but someone else wanted them, too. Gave her quite a glare when she won. (The set included the faded, yellowed instructions for care pamphlet nestled between two bowls. Did this woman plan for her estate sale her whole life?)

And my most expensive purchase? (For $9).

An antique rain guage. Solid metal with brass legs, wooden packing box (with old shipping labels, but no dates). An antique scientific instrument. Just couldn't resist (but it's not metric).

And the young mother who needed a ride home with her purchases last auction, was here again. With baby in tow. And no vehicle. And a bought computer, complete with monitor and printer, as well as a box of computer paper and a carpet shampooer.

What an abiding faith in humanity.

So you can guess where we went first.