An antique spring-held riding horse came up. The couple with four kids in front of us were one of the bidders (Okay, Melissa, is "couple" a single or plural noun here? ), but finally dropped out after bidding reached $45. The youngest boy, in cowboy boots, apparently had his heart set on it, as he was crying in his Dad's lap as they dropped out.

Wanted to loan the dad some money so he could keep bidding, but we both knew the professional buyer wasn't going to stop.

Early in the auction I had pointed out the old hanging lamp in a corner to the wife. An amber gold dome over what used to be an oil lamp, with a couple dozen doubled crystal hanging below (only one missing). But it went for $270, well out of our range, expecially since I again had no use for it. Bought by someone behind us. The highest item to that point.

As they went on to the next item, there was the nerve-jarring sound of shattering glass from the back of the room, and a collective "oh, no" moan filled the room.

But it wasn't the lamp. Just Helen's husband's cream bottle of glass marbles.

When starting on the costume jewelry (who'da thunk such stuff was so valuable?), grandpa described the necklaces as "guaranteed to be almost gold."

By this time, it was obvious that the auction was going to take a lot longer than the auctioneer had guessed on his radio spot. But when an old woman in the back won a music box on "choice", they waited patiently as she limped up front to select the one she wanted.

One spotter did advise the auctioneer "she's a hurryin'".

When sorting through a box of goodies, both the wife and I noticed the auctioneer grab one item and throw it under the table, quietly saying to a spotter "they can't have that."

Wasn't until quite a bit later that the item got moved and we could see what it was.

A Korein Shriner's hat.

Didn't know those weren't allowed outside the organization, but apparently the auctioneer did.

A 5-gallon crockery jug for whiskey (empty) came up, and no one bid until the auctioneer was asking only $25.

Ended up at $205, getting there by $5 increments.

Winner got applauded by the crowd. Winner was a local woman (with the husband she shuffled to a couple years back), who outbid the out-of-towners.

Collectors still got some bargains. A papier mache doll, over a century old in perfect condition in Gypsy clothes (auctioneer called them Spanish) with the original box went for $35.

A 1950s girl's bicycle came up, described as perfect condition "except for the tire that Bill's leaning on, but it's only flat on the bottom, the rest is okay."

One of the spotters had an absentee bid card for a Victorian chair. When bids got to $200, the spotter kept trying to hint to the bidder in the audience that he should go $5 higher.

Yes, the absentee bid card quit at $200. But the guy in the crowd wouldn't go to $205, so the spotter shrugged his shoulders and took the chair out back.

A modern, large capacity snow blower was rolled up, and shown to run. Grandpa mentioned "God willing, maybe we'll see some snow before this bloody winter is over."

When they barely got $100, he remarked "They don't believe it's going to snow, either."

Another milk jar of marbles brought the auctioneer's comment that they were "about to run out of marbles."

"In more ways than one," his dad muttered.

When the third antique wash board came up, grandpa suggested it was time to "take Momma home a new washing machine."

Four Chinese straw hats came up, which they sold in pairs. Remarking that in 30 years, they had never sold any of these before. The new young spotter was again too dignified to put one on, but others were less shy.

The auctioneer, wearing one of the widest, noted that they would never stay on in our wind.

I thought the one with a chin-strap would have been great on check station (although, how would you wear it in the truck?), but the prices went too high.

One of the smaller ones was sold with the "Hogs are Beautiful" pin still attached.

The Judge or his wife also apparently collected teacup and saucer sets. At least 20 sets came up. Choice went for $11 or $10, others en masse for a few dollars each. Early in the afternoon, the room was disturbed by the clatter and tinkle of chattering glass again.

A whole tray of the tea sets, by the woman who bid choice so she could get just the ones she wanted.

Bargains at the price she paid. Now wasted on the floor.

There weren't really that many things we were hanging around for. One was a small blue metal keg on a swivel.

Not that we wanted it. Have one already, which eldest son picked up at an auction years ago. 'Cause he thought it was neat.

Since here was another one, we just wanted to find out what it was.

Turns out they're butter churns. A technological advancement over the old wooden tubs with a wooden beater.

A tray of glassware included a large glass pitcher. Wife pointed out what was left in the pitcher.

A small cross.

Made out of palm frond. A small cross made by folding up the palm frond that Catholics receive here at Easter Mass.

Just like the crosses hanging on the wife's vanity mirrors.

Two Roseville bookends, with chips, went for $92.50. To a dealer. Quite a few other Roseville items, almost all with minor damage from being used for so many decades.

Wife and I agree. Roseville stuff is ugly. Why would anyone collect it?

'Course, since they do, we should try to buy and sell the stuff. Because we wouldn't mind letting the pieces go.

A box of small pieces of coarsely polished jade included a finger-sized piece of metal that the auctioneer could not identify.

"It's a little deal with a round end on it," was all he said.

Also a fair number of collector's plates. Including some commemoratives of the Space Program and moon landing. Grandpa mentioned they were from "the Space Age," as if that Age of history was over.

A wreath made of barbed wire and dried flowers came up. I leaned back and asked the couple two rows behind us if it was one of theirs, which they hawk at all the handicraft fairs.

Nope. Older.

So, at least two people on this planet have had that idea.

When the large silk Japanese lantern came up, auctioneer guaranteed that the buyer would have "the only one in town."

I debated bidding on the original town newspapers from the Kennedy assassination just a half second too long, and raised my hand just as he shouted "Sold!"

Thereby saving us over thirty dollars.

They asked Jay to demonstrate the functionality of a modern recliner. With grandpa noting, "If it'll hold you, it'll hold the world."

Two pieces of asian woodwork came up. Each consisted of two pieces of inter-hinged wood, carved from a single piece to lay flat when not in use.

They had no idea what they were. With ideas of folding chairs for dolls to book holders. Don't think anybody knew, but as one spotter said, they were "the best ones we've ever had here."

Two leather quirts came up in with the rest of the riding tack, along with a leather belt that had a wood plate with a hole in it in the front. Nobody was quite sure what the belt thing was, but the auctioneer finally figured it out.

But said he couldn't tell. He would just let the buyer know.

I think I know, but I'm not sure.

Either that, or the judge and his wife were a little kinky.

Nobody could identify the leather apron with straps attached, until grandpa got a good look.

Shoeing chaps.

Worn to protect your vitals while shoeing horses. Lest the horse jerk a hoof before you've gotten the nails filed down smooth.

Judging by the scars on the leather, an event that occurs often.

They finally got to the last item we were waiting on. A limited edition print of a strutting sage grouse cock and hen, painted by a local artist.

Well, she used to be local. Last I heard, they are happily raising horses somewhere near Imp (hey, lady, you still reading here?).

Hard to find prints. Last one they auctioned (admittedly for a donation to a wildlife group) went for $775.

So I held on until $60, getting permitting nods from the wife at every bid.

And finally, I quit.

They used to have a print of that painting in a local restaurant, and it bothered me every time I saw it.

The artist did a wonderful job on the cock, but the hen's head was just plain wrong. Been complaining about it for more than 15 years, didn't see any reason to spend a lot of good money so I could complain some more.

After I quit bidding, I heard the cackle of the winner behind us.

I had been bidding against the wife's co-worker. She was terribly smug about beating us. If I had known it was her bidding, I would have made her pay more.

Along with the grouse print was an original painting by a former (as in, now deceased) inmate from the local Pen.

Not sure of the particulars of his relationship to the auctioneer, but he has always winced when this guy's work comes up. Said he would explain to the winner, since the story was only for adult audiences.

What was described as a "silk hula skirt" came up, and was so demonstrated by one of the spotters. But wife and I are agreed. It was Thai, probably part of a dancer's costume.

Remember the little troll dolls, with the caveman bodies and brightly coloured hair? Mrs Judge apparently collected those, too. Although they all looked like the replicas that came out in the Nineties, not the originals from my youth.

Woman next to me commented on the one in a Santa suit.

"Oh, My Gawd!!" her friend exclaimed aloud.

No telling what some people will like.

Included with the yard tools, axe, and snow shovels was a single antique bamboo ski pole.

For a one-armed skier, they claimed.

Should have bid. Any axe is worth a buck.

Judge was apparently a hunter (who isn't in this country?). They sold the rack of his small 6-point elk for $62.50.

Oddly, the smaller 4x5 rack with an extra shed 4-point antler went for $80. To the same buyer. Clearly all the out-of-town buyers weren't here.

Auction took nearly two hours longer than auctioneer had guessed. Partly because they sold antique furniture off and on all the way through, taking the time to move each piece up and take it back.

Goes a lot faster when they walk through the furniture at the very end. But they probably get better prices when the crowd is thickest.

Near the end, we were again jolted by the sound of falling and breaking glass.

An old man up front, who lost the lid to the largest of the antique ceramic cannister set that he paid good money for.

Wife and I both remarked on it later. We've heard things fall and break before, but never like this. (There was a fourth casualty when I was busy with #33... see my next entry.)

All in all, our cheapest auction yet. Only $13.50 in winning bids. They may not be so happy to see us anymore. But as I have mentioned, the wife wants a new bed...