"Outhouse Races" are exactly that.

Races.

Using outhouses.

All you need to enter is an outhouse (on wheels), at least two husky folks to push the outhouse, a couple assistants, and a royal rider to sit on the "throne."

Oh, and you have to supply your own paper.

Since the street is fairly narrow, and these contraptions take up some room, the races are now run in paired relays. Double-elimination competition.

Now, just running these seven-foot go-carts down the street would be kinda fast, and kinda boring. So the organizers have made a talent competition out of the thing. With the various events changing from year to year. And teams racing their houses (with riders) from one station to the next.

We left the auction and made the four to five block trip downtown with just enough time to spare. And remembered the video cam. Met John, the owner of our ISP, as well as a few other things in town, strolling down the street with his magnum camera.

Turns out to be an Olympus E-10. Wonderful machine. Just like a SLR, only better. His wife comes up to us and comments to my wife about the men, always comparing their toys.

But his is bigger than mine, I complain. During the chuckles we realize the first heat has started, which includes youngest son with his Pizza place's outhouse. They built it using old signs of the company, and had the requisite swinging doors. The manager was the rider, since she was the smallest.

First stop had each team ream out a segment of convoluted plastic sewer pipe. Using the hose they would need later on.

Second stop required two members of each team to hold a roll of toilet paper between their, uh, rears, without using their hands, and then maneuver it over and onto the handle of a plunger. Which worked best with other team members down on the asphalt giving directions.

This was the major flaw in youngest son's team's first run. They finally replaced the guy he had been partnered with, and then quickly skewered their roll.

After that, they rolled down a few meters and then the rider had to throw a cardboard toilet seat onto the top of a traffic cone, from about 6-8 meters. This killed more than one team. Usually because they were too slow in returning the missed shots to the thrower.

Stop four was the most fun. Two team members were blindfolded, with one given a hose and the other a funnel attached to a hose, flowing into a coffee can. With these two blinded workers standing on their marks, they had to spray and catch enough water to fill the can. With teammates giving directions. Youngest son's boss took the catcher's job, and was immediately soaked.

As were all catchers. A few blind hosers "accidentally" hit the judges.

Stop five was a simple shooting of a free throw into a standard height basket. While standing on the stoop of the outhouse. Using rolls of teepee. Then a race to the last stop, where the rider had to pull out a strand of teepee from her or his outhouse to the double-holed "throne" in the middle of the intersection, and then sit on it.

Actually harder than it sounds, because it is difficult to get that long of a piece of teepee without breakage. Whereupon you had to start over.

Youngest son lost their first heat. By a wide margin.

And then won the rest. Mainly because they got the "thread the roll on the plunger" act down pat.

And they won! No great monetary prize, but a great deal of personal satisfaction, and the acclaim of their neighbors. And bragging rights for a year.

The furniture place came in second, with their "Laz-E-Bowl" racer. (It even had the handle on the side for going into the reclining position, but I never saw them use it. Maybe that was for flushing...) Youngest crew members had t-shirts stating "Laz-E-Boy #1" and "Laz-E-Boy #2."

Third place went to the Rifleman Bar. Whose commode was decorated on all sides with the "When Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Guns" bumper stickers. They needed better wheels. Theirs were splayed out to the sides. Probably built in the bar. That has to affect performance. As soon as this crew was eliminated, they wheeled their contraption the half block to their sponsor's establishment, and disappeared.