Suffering from mild insomnia, so copied this idea from Gwensarah, who borrowed it from someone else. According to Google, "Grouse is...

...the largest upland game bird in Alaska (Nope. Never been there.)

...approximately 18 inches in length (Note that this says inches, not centimeters. Wow.)

...six inches or longer (Think I like 18" better.)

...smaller than that (Now I know I liked the 18" report better.)

...Scotland's number one (and they haven't even seen it!)

...a major upland game bird found primarily in the Appalachians (Uh, no. Never been there, either.)

...killed by a predator each year

...measure of environmental health in Wales

...a medium-sized, fowl-like game bird best known for its courtship displays and thunderous takeoffs

...a distinct, but as yet unnamed species

...deeply impressed

...the largest North American grouse; Lewis and Clark called it "cock of the plains." (Had to put this one in since it mentions a distant relative. Yes, Cousin, I already knew about that reported kinship. Our ancestors used to call his older brother George Rodgers "our fighting cousin," to distinguish him from the non-violent Quakers in the clan.)

...shaped like a chicken, and its big (They tell me shape isn't important (as long as it's 18"))

...thirteen inches in length and looks a little like a chicken (Thirteen inches still's not bad...)

...at least as mediagenic as the spotted owl (In the Adult media, I assume.)

...a rarity in the Suchedni�w forest inspectorate (True. Never been there that I know of.)

...yet to be seen (True, except for those of you who asked.)

...only a symptom of a wider, more insidious ill (Hey now!)

...often revered (Now we're getting somewhere. But with 18", who wouldn't be?)

...not at risk of extinction (Not with 18", or even 13", I would think not!)

...like a napkin (This is only for the wife to understand.)

...entirely dark below (With 18 inches giving shade, of course it is.)

...a hearty, snow-loving, bud-eating native

...semi-omnivorous, dining on a variety of seeds, berries, fruit, mast, leaves and buds along with insects and the occasional garden slug (Ewwww! Slugs! Eww! Not without salt on 'em.)

...North America's largest and perhaps most impressive (with 18", one would hope.)

...a relic (Now we're getting personal...)

...the ultimate challenge (Some might find 18" a little intimidating.)

...predominantly reddy-brown (If you look between the grey.)

...basically a solitary bird (But why? If it's that large and impressive...)

...great ("blush")

...naturally distributed (I wouldn't consider 18", or even 13", to be natural.)

...the most widespread (Oh. When we were talking about "largest and most impressive", I thought we were talking about something else.)

...very popular (With 18", you would be, too.)

...often called (See comment above.)

...good to eat (No comment. There may be kids reading this.)

...genetically distinct (I suspect most would consider 18" to be distinctive.)

...one of the best known (With only 35-40 regular readers, that is hardly true. But with 18", that could change.)

...the only one (Know anyone else with 18"?)

...the undisputed King (This site must be really impressed with 18".)

...a landmark (With 18", to the ladies, perhaps.)

...drumming (If you had 18", you'd be bragging it up, too.)

...music to the ears (of anyone who would like to try 18")

...an ideal model (Unless, of course, you need 19".)

...his favorite (Nothing saying the ladies are the only ones who like 18".)

...one of Britain's most favorite (so the Brits like 'em long?)

...in decline (Then what did I start with?)

...aged and matured (They've been peeking.)

...a superb indicator (Yes, I think many would consider 18" to be 'superb.')

...unique (I've never heard of another.)

...approximately 18 inches in length (See? A second source. That confirms it.)

...best determined by the length (So if it ain't 18", accept no substitutes.)

...a bad idea to begin with (I'm sure some lesser males feel this way.)

...in danger (From some of those less endowed males?)

...hunted for sport (By all those males with less than 18", I assume.)

...on the increase (So it's still growing? Oh, wow.)

...often considered the prime,

and

...justifiably proud.

('nuff said.)