The heeler sisters and I got home a little after nine-thirty.

The wife was just getting up, prepping coffee and cereal. So I got out of uniform, and headed in to the auction alone. Not expecting to be there long.

This auction was a little different. At the vocational ed building of our local high school, the district was ridding itself of surplus or ancient equipment. Everything from full size school busses to a tractor, drafting tables to school desks. Ancient computers, lab tables and lab stools.

I hadn't scouted the items available, but the rearranging I had in mind for the office calls for another table.

Worth a look.

So I was surprised at the crowd. I guesstimated around 95 of us crowded into the huge bay for the auto mechanics classes. And a lot of folks unaware of the unwritten ethics rules for an auction:

Don't stand right in front of the auctioneer... then nobody else can see what's being bid.

Don't stand behind the auctioneer and his spotters. If you do, it's no one's fault but your own if they don't see you trying to bid.

And if you pull out a couple chairs from the stack of school chairs to sit on, at least yield them up when those items come up for bid. Don't make the guy beside you point them out to the auctioneer.

Seems some of the most popular items were the fire extinguishers. Even the old ones, almost all last checked in August 2005, were going for over $25. But there were a lot of people eyeing the eight shiny newer ones. These were auctioned "choice", with the bids being on the price for just one, with the winner getting to decide how many they wanted to buy at that price. Quite a few folks bid, but all quit when one fellow got to $27.50.

I suspect they were hoping to get one at the same price. But no, many were surprised and disappointed, including a friend of mine, when the winner took all eight.

And then there were none.

The fifteen or so microscopes, however, went the way you would expect with a Dutch auction. My friend, who wanted one for fertility checking their bulls, and another fellow foolishly bid themselves up to $25. Then seven or eight of us got one at that price.

Our formor mayor came up afterwards, and mentioned he had checked all the microscopes before the auction. Most were missing the light bulb in the base.

He had wrapped the cords carefully for the ones that were intact.

We both happily noticed the cord of mine was wrapped (and yes, it works).

Now, what I'll ever do with it, I have no idea.

But if the need for a microscope should ever arise...

I got one.

An ancient slide projector went for nearly $60. Not sure I would consider that a bargain.

Unless you got one at home and need the spare parts.

An electric typewriter, described as perfect "for those of you too old to use a computer" went for $10.

I afterwards sidled up to the buyer, a rancher from 40 miles out of town, and mentioned "That's a long ways to drive for a typewriter." But no, they were here to look at the tractor, too.

And yeah, he doesn't use a computer. As he said, "Some letters you want to look better than hand-written."

I asked if he still uses carbon paper.

Yep.

He offered to buy the four old sheets I'm still hoarding, but they've been used so often you can hardly tell they were blue.

Soon after the only chemograph came up on the block. Complete with a roll of paper. "And now you know all that I do," the auctioneer announced. Thing looked like it was worth hundreds of dollars, but actually, today, it was only worth $2.50.

Unfortunately, the blueprint case I spied and instantly wanted for a map case happened to be made of oak. So, beat up or not, it went for $125.

And no, I didn't buy it. Didn't even bid.

The semi-modern cubbyhole desk, complete with high side panels, was described as being "perfect for making your kids do their homework. They can't be distracted by the TV or computer screen."

The sales pitch didn't work. After pleading for a one dollar bid to get things started, the auctioneer finally got it.

And promptly announced it "Sold!" to our former mayor.

"I'm so glad you came," the auctioneer announced.

As I mentioned, folks had themselves scattered around the room, and in amongst the merchandise. So when he came up on one item from behind, the auctioneer announced he was selling "a blueprint copier and an old art teacher."

Got $10 for it. Not sure if the retired art teacher leaning on the machine was part of the price or not.

While most school equipment seems to lose its value, large paper cutters apparently do not. Went for $42.50.

They had 105 school desks to sell.

Yes, one hundred and five.

These were also sold choice, and I and a woman on the other side foolishly bid them up to $6 before I got wise and shut up. I mean, if I let her win, what are the odds she'll take the one I want?

So I got it for six dollars. And eleven others were sold at the same price.

The remaining 93 desks?

Sold for five dollars.

Five dollars for all of them. That's 5.37 cents each. To an old desert rat. Later asked the wife what someone might want with 93 desks.

"To burn, maybe?" she suggested.

Yeah, I guess that would be worth the money. Or tearing the tops off to make a floor. Or roof.

I didn't go outside to see how the drafting tables fared, but they went fast, so I assume cheap.

Two 300AMP welders went for $20. For the pair, not each. And that's a steal.

The woodworking bench tools went cheap too, but my friend mentioned those tools were brand new when he first used them.

In the eighth grade.

This college graduate's kids will be in school any year now...

So, in addition to my microscope and school desk, I also got one of the tables I wanted. One of those old wooden lab tables, with the black, chemically impermeable top.

'Course, now that I got it home, I think it's too big for the spot I had in mind...

And I should mention, I was pretty sure I could get that table in our SUV. And I would have been right, except...

I found the back end of the SUV filled with the spare tire and boxes of junk that the wife and eldest son had salvaged out of his totaled SUV.

Craaap.

So the wife got to drive in to the auction, after all, in the old Dodge.

Anybody want an old lab table?