As usual I heard the racket of the heelers barking before I heard the knock on the door. Took a while to get upstairs to the door.

Man looks at my bootless feet and asks if he woke me.

At 11:00? I don't think so.

He's got a problem. Has a dried old moose hide in the back of his truck. Hoping I might be able to tell him how much the live animal might have weighed.

Uhhhh. I don't think so.

Seems that this man, a fellow I have known for some time, is being sued.

Over the moose.

A retired fellow, he earns extra money by processing (i.e. butchering and wrapping) other folks' game animals. For a fee.

Not an uncommon practice. And so long as he doesn't advertise in any way shape or form, he pretty much doesn't have to comply with all the regulations that govern professional processors.

So, a client is unhappy about the amount of meat he got back from his moose. Claimed it was 800 lbs alive (unlikely) and he only got 140+ lbs of meat (the guy on my curbing claims it was closer to 250).

But it was a young bull moose, small antlers, smaller than the 5-point bull elk that was hanging in the garage beside it.

Probably a yearling.

Ordinarily, we would call the lab and ask what the teeth annuli said about how old this hunter's moose was. But we're running out of money. They laid off the lab folks. No teeth collected and aged this year, probably the first year in over 20.

Just his luck.

Standing on the curbing in my stocking feet, with heelers sniffing the air eagerly, I look at the hide and can tell that, yeah, this was a small moose. Find the tail and front of the shoulders, and I have seen many elk that were larger.

But couldn't testify to much in court (which is Friday).

He points out several bullet holes. Moose was supposedly shot seven times.

Now, moose are big. Multiple shots are not uncommon when trying to kill one quickly. But seven?

Turns out the hunter was using a .243.

Okay, so I like the hunter less now. A way inadequate caliber for moose (although one rancher once poached a dozen moose with just a .22, and yes, he got away with it). So there would have been extra meat thrown away because of the extra bullet impacts. (The bullets spray minute lead fragments out into the meat. It is not wise to trim too closely.)

This friend has decided to defend himself. Not the wisest course, maybe, but in this state I have seen folks do it several times. Judges have been patient and understanding, and unlike those on television, quite interested in the truth, more than procedures.

So, I give some unprofessional advice on what to expect. Pointing out to him he really needs a lawyer (he can't afford one, but has one who is a friend that gave him some advice... like coming to me).

First, the disgruntled hunter has to prove his case. Somebody else is gonna have to vouch that the moose weighed 800 lbs. I suggest he ask the plaintiff to produce the antlers, to see if it was just a little yearling, and highly unlikely to be so heavy.

And yes, I asked my boss to check their check station records to see what they recorded as the hunter came through their station (if he didn't stop to be checked, he's in trouble).

Supposedly some photos were taken. He should ask to have them produced. And check with the local warden to see what poundage would be expected from a young moose. The University Coop used to publish such information, too, as well. (Doesn't yours?)

There is the concern that the hunter may deny that this small hide is from his moose. I am happy to report that they can probably do a DNA match with the meat in the hunter's freezer to see if it came from this hide. And our local warden was the first in our state to use the new DNA match technology in a wildlife case in this state. (Matched an elk heart found in a rolled-over pickup to an elk that had been poached).

Probably the best advice I gave him was about the hunter's license. The hunter is trying to get the processor to pay for the moose license, since he supposedly deprived him of some of his meat, and it will be many years (up to 20 according to his affidavit) before he can get another one.

Now, this is something I know about.

A license is not a receipt for meat. It does not entitle the bearer to one moose carcass.

It's like a ticket to a baseball game. It entitles the hunter to enjoy the recreation of hunting a moose. Nothing more.

There is no guarantee he will get one to eat. Nor any guarantee that any moose he shoots will be edible. If it turns out to be diseased and unfit for consumption, he does not get to go out and shoot another one.

He's already had the recreation he paid for.

Processor was quite happy with that news (although the $75 license fee doesn't make up much of the $1500 claim). And will contact the warden for what help he can give.

By now my feet are near frozen. And I still have to prepare for my hunter safety talk at the school in about 30 minutes.

Had hopes of being in the country Friday morning.

Now I think I might have to stay in town. And maybe wander into Court.