Somewhen, quite a few years back, the wife and I took up the habit of attending local auctions. We know most the auctioneers, and they know us. And I suspect they have an idea as to which items to tempt us with.

It is a weekend, I still have late elk seasons going, still have an unused elk license, and we had snow a day or so ago. I probably should have gone to work elk hunters today.

The wife stopped by the auction house (actually a large steel garage added onto the auctioneer's main place of business, a furniture store) and looked the items over on Friday, and found nothing exciting.

But she was in the mood for an auction, as was I.

We usually come home with a bunch of stuff we don't need, or after reconsideration, even want. Today was no exception. But I want to make notes on the auction itself, not our purchases.

Notes that I scribbled down on the side of my styrofoam coffee cup.

The auction callers are a father/son duo. With a third generation in with the spotters. They sometimes have too many spotters, leading to confusion, and doubled bids. Like today.

When the wife worked for the Chamber and coordinated the annual Christmas Tree parade and auction (with this auctioneer), I served as a spotter. Likewise at the Blue and Gold cake auctions. Spotting is fun, but today they were off.

After the third screw-up on just one item, the frustrated auctioneer said, "Aww, just sell it to #80 for five dollars." And they did.

A few other auctioneer lines...

"Back up. We were doubling up on him over there, ... but that's okay, he's got lots of money in his wallet."

"It's oak or mahogany or something under that paint there."

"We'll throw in the dust for free."

The family's favorite phrase appears to be "the whole shebang."

"No on the five dollars... he was just scratchin'."

"You go to pickin' your nose or scratchin' your butt, we'll get you every time."

"There's all kinda treasures in there."

"It's worth two and a half bucks just to take it home and go through it."

They have a disadvantage having only the men in the family involved in the actual selling (the women keep the books and check the buyers in).

They don't know the difference between a skein and a bolt. They thought the antique hardwood sewing table was a folding desk. The women in the crowd corrected them, including my wife. Went for $15. Yep, $15. A combined estate sale, and most goods went extremely cheap.

An HP 540 printer, still new in the box...$50. A functional Nordic-Trak for $12.50. Over 30 unopened needlepoint kits for less than $4. A deep box of quilting squares for $2.50.

Wife pointed out we were looking at the unfinished projects of a woman's entire life.

Furniture was majorly disappointing for the heirs. Almost all went dirt cheap. I snarfed up a mahogany bedstand for less than $40. Have absolutely no use for it, and no place for it, but it matches the wife's Victrola and I couldn't resist at that price.

But I gave up on the big, fat 1941 Webster's dictionary. And the original (not reproduction) Stars & Stripes with 48 stars (three months ago I probably could have gotten it for less than $15, but not now that everyone else is so into showing the flag).

Tried for the Bausch & Lomb antique microscope with wood case, but it quickly left my price range. They had been having problems with the spotters again, so the bidders just took over from the auctioneer and bounced up bids until one quit.

The auctioneer mentioned one box contained a trailer hitch ball, and Ed, one of the spotters, dug out three more and noted there was a whole set of balls. So the auctioneer sold the "box of miscellaneous and Ed's balls."

Really.

The spotters occassionally serve as proxies for folks who do not attend the auction. You can tell, when their "Yups" come fast and furious. And one runs an antique store, and often buys for himself. You can tell what is coming when his glasses come out and he checks the trademark. Today he ended up against another spotter bidding as a proxy. Yupping back and forth at high speed at $5 increments to $200. Fun to watch.

Guess you had to be there.

Have you ever seen a table made out of a milk can? I have, now. And saw somebody pay good money for it.

When the amplifier for the HAM radio came up in a box several items after the radio was sold, they gave it to the guy who bought the radio.

Ended up buying a box of junk just to get a man's jewelry box. For the pins left in the drawer. Cannot believe the family let those go. Wife says the Black Hill's gold tie pin was worth the entire bid.

And, off the subject... they sold a Director's chair that had the first name of one of our wardens on it. Just mention it because it reminded me to tell the wife that he got his elk this year with his 50-caliber. One of those hundred or so "assassination" weapons in private hands that Fox news was so worried about before 11 September. And he used it to harvest his elk.

At 1100 yards.

That's 0.625 miles folks.

Wow. That's a hike just to get to the animal.