I got up early this morning, started the hot water on the stove, and then went back to bed with the wife and three heelers (yes, it's crowded). And stayed there until her alarm went off. So the heeler sisters and I were late getting out this am. That almost never happened before, but it seems common this strutting season. Dare I blame diaries?

Fortunately, we were nearly overcast, so the grouse strutted late again. And the hens were attending, which tends to keep the cocks hanging around a little longer.

In fact, the birds were getting it on. A copulation on the first lek of the morning. Fuckin' grouse.

Watching sage grouse get it on is fun. The act itself is pretty brief and typical for birds. The hen squats in front of the male she has selected, and he climbs on. The two pound hen just about disappears under the five pound cock. The action lasts maybe 5-10 seconds. The fun part is when they're done.

The hen practically squirts out from under the cock, like a watermelon seed in your fingers. Then she immediately starts vigorously shaking her tail, which moves up into a whole body shake and feather ruffle.

My wife has dubbed this the "ewww, ick!" maneuver.

She didn't believe me when I described the hens' behavior, so I had to take her out to watch for herself. And she's right. It looks exactly like the hen is going "ewww, ick!", and is grateful she doesn't have to do that again for another year.

Everybody knows how the cocks fight for position on the lek, but I was surprised many years ago to notice that the hens bitch and squabble amongst themselves also. Fighting to see who gets bred first. Presumably the male is only good for so many servicings a morning, and besides you want to get this over with and get back into the sage before the eagles start flying.

I mentioned this to an ethnologist from Purdue at a sage grouse conference (yes, we have such things) once, and she was quite surprised someone else had noticed. I guess nobody but the two of us bothered to watch the hens.

They don't always squabble.

I got to a large lek quite late in the morning once, and was surprised to find two males still strutting. Using the scope, I could see there were two hens also hanging around, which explains the late attendance of the males. This was a good hour and a half after sunup, well beyond normal strutting time.

The hens circled around the Master cock for a while, and then the darker hen got into position, and they got the deed done. Ewww, ick! One down, one to go.

But instead of leaving, the first hen stuck around, circling close to the second hen. After a while, the second hen also squatted before the male. But he kept turning away to strut at the second cock. It was a good 20 minutes before the boss male got his energy up to do his duty.

It was now two hours after sunrise, on a clear, sunny, eagle friendly morning. And the first hen was still there, hanging next to the second.

"Ewww, ick!" As soon as the second, light colored hen was finished settling her feathers, she and the first hen left together.

I don't know what the relationship between the two hens was. I'm guessing mother/daughter, but that is certainly just anthromorphizing on my part. It may just be because there is safety in numbers. But that first hen literally risked her life to hang around until the second finished her business.

Oh, and regarding the "ewww, ick!" maneuver. as much as I admire and accept science, it sometimes takes the fun out of things. The current, best explanation has to do with lice.

Sage grouse have lice, like all wild birds. This omnipresence of lice was driven home to me the time I let an injured prairie falcon spend the night in the dining room before I ferried it to the rehab folks the next morning. The wife found a 1/4-inch pale louse on the scalp of our first son, who was less than a year old at the time. I tried to explain that it was a bird louse, and would neither bite (sorta) nor breed on a mammal. No difference. Since then, all avian guests spend the night either on the porch, in the garage, or down in the office.

Anyway, the current theory is that the "ewww, ick!" maneuver is actually the sage grouse hen's defense against this STD. Presumably some of the male's lice will have transferred onto her back during coitus, and the body shaking and feather ruffling serves to knock the lice off. Safe sex for sage grouse (and only the hens practice it).