Our outfit had a big, annual gathering in town today. Big by the standards of our dispersed population (a dozen people, give or take). It was almost the exact same people who made last year's gathering. Mostly out of towners (as in >=80 miles). No one missing, maybe one new arrival. And yet it felt different. A little strange. And not just because the restaurant we always use for dinner has gone "Non-smoking."

(At last! After so many years of this annual gathering, no smoke! The smoke in this restaurant used to be thick, and I'm not kidding. Some of you would probably have loved it. You could literally see the cloud of cancerous fumes billow out the door when opened. You could not see the back wall from the front door. But the food has always been good, and it has always been the only place in town capable of seating our large group so late at night. Interesting how, now that it's non-smoking, the parking lot is always full, and tables are snatched up before they're cleared.)

After catching up on diaries tonight, I realized why today felt different. Because I am different. We had pretty much the same conversations we've had for twenty years, just change the names and places. But now, in the back of my mind I'm wondering about silvereye's doctor appointment. About arkham and evil michelle. What rip-tv really thought about the Oscars (the Oscars never came up in our dinner conversations. Really! Not once.) About all the women who are still dealing with past abuses and using a diary to cope, to plan, to mull. About those of you who are still in those relationships. About so many of you who are still trying to figure out where you want to go with your lives. I will guarantee you that at least 8 of the 10 people at our table will retire from our outfit, in the jobs they are currently doing, unless they die or suffer a debilitating disease first. Including me. I do not consider that a bad thing, in fact suspect we are quite lucky. But it is obviously different from what is happening to the rest of the developed world.

But after being exposed to so many different and, yes, rich lives so quickly, I feel different. Maybe it will wear off. Maybe I'll get bored and this will turn into a short vacation into NaNaLand, and I'll return to normal. Maybe not.

Until then,

Thanks.