Okay, Hil, I'm confused...

Are those fines applied per incident?

I mean, Judas Priest, that'd be unfair!

Like, a $25 fine for tipping a stripper?

Hell, we're usually talking three dances per set, three to four dancers per hour, and at least two to four hours per visit to a strip club. And yeah, maybe you don't tip the first dance of each set, but you certainly tip the second and third.

That's $300 to $600 fine for just one evening's entertainment!

And even if that's per stripper, that adds up. Pecos Junction had 16 gals rotating through four stages. Naturally you gotta stay for all 16 (I went for 17, 'cause the first was a brunette, and it'd have been rude to get up when she came back on), so that's still a $400 fine for one night.

Now when you start talking almost 30 years of sporadic visits to the Green Door, the Pecos Junction experience, the one time run down to the Clown's Den, a couple stops to Northern Dreams (until they found nerve gas at the place... no, really, military grade nerve gas), the Flame in Boise, almost getting thrown out of the Hunt Club with the Idaho F&G guys, and that place in Laurel, Montana, well, you got a whole lot of sinnin' been goin' on.

How about we plea bargain, and just limit it to lap dances? I think I can count those on one hand. Maybe two. I could afford that. Unless there's an extra fine if she tickles your nose with her 1/4-inch long short hairs.

You know, thinking about it, I think instead you should be fined if you go to a strip club and don't tip. That would be a sin.

And hey, we don't even wanna talk about your $5 tax on "Done oral".

We'd have to mortgage the house...