The first item on the block was a wall sconce and matching oil lamp.

$47.50.

Yeah, there were a few dealers there. Not many. In fact, probably half the normal crowd. I never heard a bidder's number higher than 62.

So some things went insanely cheap, but others did not.

It is apparently a sign of aging that you personally know more and more of the people whose estate auctions you attend. These were not anonymous old folks, but the kindly couple who lived exactly one block over. The man who always had a kind word when you went walking past. Who kept his lawn meticulously manicured.

I mean, who keeps the grass trimmed back exactly six inches from the trunk of every tree?

Not a lot of tools from his garage, compared to others. But every one of his, except the new hedgetrimmer, was well used.

The auctioneer kept claiming tools and kitchen appliances from the 1950s and 60s were "still new in the box". Around the third or fourth time, the wife leaned over and whispered, "No, I think he just put everything away back in the box every time he used it."

Second item up was an old, faded framed print of a collie watching over its flock.

$45.

Fourth item was a ukelele. Not a cheap, touristy, Tiny Tim type of ukelele, but a wood and steel one, complete with case and scored music.

$25. To number 33.

Number 33 also got the next item, a "near-new" autoharp. What we called a "zither" in school. Again, a professional musical instrument, not a cheap toy.

$50. I so wanted to hear them make just one light swipe across the strings, but no such luck.

I loved playing the zither in school. It was like cheating at music, making beautiful sounds with a minimum of talent or practice. But in the hands and fingers of a true musician...

Yeah, I almost bid. But I'm sure Number 33 knew the value of the instrument, and would have gone much higher.

Yet three huge boxes of vinyl LPs would not sell for even one dollar. Grandpa finally gave up and told the auctioneer, "Heck, I'll pay a dollar for them. Put 'em back."

I almost bid on those, too. And should have. Auctioneer pulled one out at random, the album cover still bright and unworn, and read it off...

"Colorful Percussion by Arthur Lyman."

The crowd snickered, and he snearingly declared it was three boxes of some "pretty hot stuff".

I looked up Colorful Percussion by Arthur Lyman. A semi-decent record from this 1962 issue will run you $56-$62.

And this was near-mint.

Three boxes of these treasures. Went wanting, for one dollar.

A blue depression glass Shirley Temple creamer went for $5.

All three Hull pitchers (also mint condition) ranged from $40 to $65 each. Which is probably near their eBay market, unless they're a rare issue. The Roseville didn't go cheap either, at $27.50. Same buyer got all four.

The gal beside me, and then later behind us, bought almost all the glassware, and seemed thrilled at each win. One tray brought a "Ooooh" from her when the spotter handed it over, so I had to ask.

Yeah. She was thrilled at the huge, heavy, cut, lead glass decanter for $16.

I so wanted to bid on the gorgeous wooden hall table from the historic hotel in our town, especially when it started at $5. But the wife wouldn't let me. And when the retired attorney finally got it at $100, she explained there was no way we could ever outbid him.

Which is true.

Yet two equally gorgeous drop-leaf end tables went for only $55. If we had a place to put them, I'd have bid. But I doubt the antiquer would have quit soon.

Two framed, old, 8" colorized photos of Lake Marie went for $40.

A small tray of antique appliances, including cast iron egg beaters and a folding iron clothes hanger went for $40. And that dealer thought she had hit gold.

Three hand embroidered framed pictures of sailboats (from Venice?) had no takers, until one fellow in back finally raised his hand for a dollar.

"SOLD!" announced the auctioneer, "Get'im, quick!"

A tray of junk china that included a demi-tasse cup and saucer from our historic hotel went for $32.50. Only because I finally stopped bidding. (A single plate with that hotel's logo sells for over $60.)

Auctioneer felt something inside a dark red decanter, and finally worked the stopper out. "You find a genie?" asked his Dad.

"No, that's stronger than a genie," the son answered. "That's brandy."

They sold it with the condition that "If you drink that and it kills you, don't come back to complain." But Grandpa pointed out "I guarantee you, brandy doesn't spoil."

It was along about this time, eldest son's girlfriend, sitting next to us hugging the hand-cut lead glass pitcher she won, leaned over and asked what the notes are that I keep on the back of our bidder's card.

Oh, just little reminder of anecdotes, like that one.

Gotta be more discrete nowadays...

Ever heard of a "Living Proof" air purifier? Near as we could tell, it was one of those things "sold only on TV". Probably one of the first on-air cons, as it looked like an empty box with a couple sci-fi instruments sticking into it. Probably nothing more than a fan...

Another multi-tool kitchen gadget, also sold "only on TV" came up. Auctioneer claimed it would do everything for you, "except whistle Dixie on a Sunday morning". Despite claims that the item originally cost "several easy payments of $19.95", I don't think they got $2.50 for it.

Ever hear of an "Egg-Jector"? "As seen on TV"? They had no clue how it worked, but I looked it up on eBay afterwards. People still sell them.

I don't know why.

An actual spinning wheel went for only $22.50. Complete with a box of yarn. No, it wasn't an antique, but it was a bona fide spinning wheel, hand made from good wood. And it actually worked.

They had two young spotters working this auction (one of them our eldest son). When a Cabbage Patch doll came up in one box, a gal in the front row asked to inspect it, I suppose to decide which generation it was. As it was passed to her, the doll's frilly panties fell off.

The other young spotter spotted them and picked them up, turning them around in his hands, in front of everyone, trying to figure out what they were.

When he finally realized he was holding panties, he quickly flipped them towards the box on the block. Turning bright red as he noticed the wife and I smiling at his embarassment.

The panties missed the box and fell back onto the floor.

He had to retrieve them again.

And gave us a sidewards glance, and got really red.

You can't buy this kind of entertainment.

The power ice auger stalled at only $25. The auctioneer, unhappy with that price, promised everyone " I guarantee, the lake will freeze again."

Bidding resumed.

And ended at $135.

The nearly unused hand auger, immediately thereafter, went for only $7.50.

The 70+ square feet of ceramic tile and tile cutter went for only $32.50. The auctioneer pointed out "You've barely paid for the cutter at this point." The wife and I had to explain to eldest son's girlfriend why we both snickered.

You see, almost 26 years ago we put down a $25 deposit on a Color-Tile tile cutter in another state (since there were none in our state).

And never took it back. If we remembered to take it south on our next trip, I wonder if they would give us our deposit back now?

A 1950s-style floor stand hair drier went for only $2.50. As the wife pointed out, if you could get that to California, some movie studio prop center might pay good money for the real thing, in good condition.

They had six snow machines to sell outside, so while most the menfolk headed outside, I perused the rest of the unsold items. A young woman was doing the same thing, with a friend or relative. Pointing out "I'm going to buy this, this and those." Like the rest of us weren't even there.

But darned if she didn't. The huge dollhouse, complete with furniture, for less than $100. The $1200 grandfather clock with works for $150. And the three-piece cherry china wall hutches for just $800.

But as the wife pointed out, her husband looked like oilfield. (Worker, not bossman.) But at $30-$50 an hour, he can afford to buy what it takes to keep his little wife happy.

Last item was a five-foot by ten-foot framed artist's canvas.

Yeah. Really.

No takers at even $25 at first. Grandpa suggested you could take it off the frame and the canvas would be worth that. Auctioneer pointed out the two-by-fours from the frame would be worth it.

"Doesn't anyone know any artists in this town?"

Finally a taker. At $25. But they held up the final sale because one fellow was on his cellphone, apparently asking an artist friend if they were interested.

But no, not if it took a full truck just to move the thing.

$25 it was.

One of our cheapest auctions yet. Got out of there for under $15. (Not including the three donuts, two cups of bottomless coffee (worth the price just for the auctioneer's daughter's cleavage when she brought refills), three hotdogs, two bags of chips, a pop, a water, and a Hershey's bar.)

Only thing we bought?

A flat of near-worthless china, that also included a commemorative plate for the Baptist Church just down the block.

From the 1950s or so.

Yeah, we have no need of it.

But the Town Museum might.