My first FOIA.

I feel like a deflowered virgin. I spent hours preparing for this moment. Even reserved a special room for just the two of us.

He was late, of course. And in a hurry.

And then, all of a sudden, it was over.

And so much less than I expected.

Now, technically it wasn't a FOIA. (A Freedom Of Information Act request, for those of you lucky enough to have never needed to know that acronym.) It was a request for public records under our outfit's own equivalent law. A relatively recent statute, I might add.

There was considerable email amongst the bosses about how do we respond to this request? If they want to look at our email, do we grant access to the entire email system? Do we have to sit with them at the computer and ensure they never access emails they shouldn't (like almost all the law enforcement stuff)? Do we print the requested messages on hard copies?

Boss was hit by the same group at the same time in his office. He opted to print out all the relevant emails.

Over two hundred.

Geez.

Me, I just asked the fellow who would be inspecting my files when he called last week. Sometimes it's easier to treat people like people, rather than lawyers. Which is why we were so unprepared for this formal request. I mean, in our little state, most times, if someone wants to know something, they call and ask.

You know?

But not these folks.

Anyway, he said he wasn't interested in emails, so hey, there's a weight off my workload.

Still I had to find all the relevant papers. Printed out a few large files. Spent hours looking for two wildlife data books, and only found one. Handed him three months of my journal (No, not this one. The real one that rides on the dash of the truck.) Even dug through my little pocket keeper, marking the appropriate pages with blue paper clip.

He wasn't interested in all of those. End result, out of the inch-thick file, he wanted three documents. Two of which I had digitally, and I finally found an email with the third.

So now the bosses are emailing about what the appropriate fees are for electronic documents, and does this group of people have to pay in advance.

Truth be told, if we hadn't started out with lawyers, I probably would have happily emailed these files to him if he'd asked, and not thought anything about it. Now I have to worry about what the "policy" is, and under what subsection of the policy do these documents fall? (Boss thinks it's subsection (h), but I wonder if they're actually under (c). And either way, do they also qualify under (e)?)

Ain't government grand?

Anyway, I am a FOIA virgin no more. The next request should be, well, almost routine.

Oh, you may ask: "What was it this group of people was so interested in?"

This.

They wouldn't tell us why.

But not really the files and memories I wanted to go strolling through for the past week.