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blizzard warnings - 13:52 , 03 October 2013

heelerless - 21:32 , 18 August 2013

Red Coat Inn in Fort McLeod - 11:38 , 23 June 2013

rushing into the waters - 09:53 , 21 June 2013

choosing a spot - 17:43 , 27 April 2013

17 June 2008 - 23:59

and nothing but the news

"Now, seagulls and pelicans... are those the same thing?"

Ummm, no. Whole different species of birds. And all of a sudden I knew this reporter was a whole different species, too.

Over the many years, I've been blessed with working with good reporters. Folks who know what they need to know, and know how to lay things out that make sense.

And do a little homework before they call a "reference source". But when Dave moved away and the new publisher came in, almost the entire news staff quit within two weeks. From the editor down to the photographer.

Yeah, they used the "B" word. Within a month or two, most of town was using that word, too. Easy to see why she'd worked at something like a dozen papers in half a dozen years. You know, if you treat your staff like shit in a small town, word gets around.

But as a consequence of her short reign, we are saddled with a host of inexperienced, green reporters. Most of which did not grow up or get educated anywhere near this part of the continent.

So, when this eager reporter spotted "seagulls" in town, over a thousand miles from any ocean, well, that had to be news.

No matter what I said to dissuade him. Those are California gulls, and they've been here probably since the last Ice Age. But I did concede that their numbers probably have increased since we built reservoirs that created nesting islands for the critters. Before then, the biggest nesting lake was probably the Great Salt Lake. Which was a lot bigger back then.

I avoided asking if he knew why this species of gull is the state bird of Utah.

"Have we ever had a large, natural lake?"

Well, we were under a sea in the Jurassic.

"When was that?"

Oh, lordy, I cringe. Do they not teach geology in high school anymore? Sixty to a hundred million years ago, I volunteer.

I hear him muttering as he types..."60 to 100 million years ago".

Okay, you'd better not quote me on those dates. Better check with a geologist somewhere.

"Well, were the seagulls around here then?"

Oh. My. Gawd.

Again, doing my best to avoid diversions that just get him even more lost, I make no mention of Archaeopteryx. I keep it simple.

I doubt if their species even existed back then.

"Oh. Well then, when did they show up here?"

I don't know, thousands of years ago I imagine.

"One thousand? Or two thousand years?"

I don't know. I don't know anybody who was around here counting birds and writing this stuff down that long ago.

Do you?

Yeah, I was getting a little testy. This was not how I planned to spend my lunch break.

We talk another fifteen to twenty minutes on the biology of "seagulls". And foraging on cicadas. Somewhere in there comes out the fact that he recently saw gulls in town.

Yeah, my wife mentioned Spring must be here, since she saw the gulls waiting outside the Chinese restaurant.

And a little voice goes off in my head: "Error! Error!"

Never volunteer unasked information.

Sure enough, now he wants to know when the gulls first show up every year. Why do they like restaurant parking lots?

If my wife gets quoted in the paper about seagulls in our town being like swallows in Capistrano, I'm going to be Capis-something.

No doubt.

I need a diversion...

Have you talked to the head of the airport? They have trouble with gulls flying across their runways every year, going from the sewage lagoons to the landfill.

I'm sure he can tell you exactly when they show up. And when they started being a problem in town.

And it worked. I got to go back to my raspberry salad.

I'll have to ask the airport director if he got called.

After he finishes flying our antelope surveys.

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